By: acrazyredhead

acrazyredhead — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:16:43 +0000

Dear Respectfully Anon,
Look, on a deep level, I completely and utterly agree with you. Having been an indirect “victim” but still a real life “victim” of adultery, I know the pain it causes. I hit emotional rock bottom when my parents’ marriage dissolved b/c of an affair. So, yes I am not endorsing this at all.
On the other hand, I am absolutely intrigued by it on so many levels. How can people do it? How do you see that person the next day at Target and act like nothing happened? I remember just casual flings in college and then running into that person in class and it was so uncomfortable. With my own body issues, I almost have a hard time being naked in front of my own husband so I surely would not want my friend’s husband to see me in my bday suit!
That is the part that draws me to the thought of it.
I just want to re-assure you b/c you sound like a kind person that I respect your points.
I think it is the whole repressed sexuality thing in this country that intrigues me. I would think that those same people who are swinging from the chandeliers with their neighbors’ spouses are the ones holding the picket signs at Anti-Gay marriage rallies.
So, that is my point.
In general, I think it is just the “behind closed doors” thing that is so interesting.
Thanks for writing and reading
CR

By: Respectfully Anonymous

Respectfully Anonymous — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:14:31 +0000

I was really interested in this comment on your blog…
Are there people I know “swinging”? Does the infamous “swingers club” really exist in my neighborhood and if so, why hasn’t anyone invited me? I am just kidding – I think!)
Call me full of morals, call me a stick in the mud, or call me old fashion! What is the facination with sleeping with other peoples spouses? Whatever happened to true love or commitment?
I am a pretty liberal person, but somehow “swinging” takes liberal beyond what I believe to be spiritually sound. Thankfully ,the thought of sleeping with my spouse still excites me more today, than it did 13 years ago! And the day I believe sleeping with someone elses spouse will fulfill some unmet need…is the day I need to do some real soul searching.
My intention here is not to judge others lifestyle, but more to understand what about this whole swinging thing draws people to it. I wonder about the children of these adults too…do they for a second consider them? Would they want their teenage daughter at a party sleeping around with different men for the sake of entertainment?
I must admit this strikes a cord in me after watching a friends 25 year marriage ripped apart…yea I can here the comments they made pre-divorce…”live a little, its only innocent sex” or “we have some fun then ultimately go home with each other” or “it makes our marriage stronger” or “it keeps the spice in our life”
I call these all justifications….which led to jealousy, hurt, anger then ultimately divorce!
The bottom line of this whole comment for me is…the day I said “I Do” I took that commitment seriously. Sure people’s want, needs, and desires change in a marriage…and that is perfectly OK! I just believe in my heart that “swinging” is like an addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, shopping etc etc…they all have one common thread…to anesthetize the pain of an unhappy self (life). And all “swinging sex” in your neighborhood (or anywhere esle) could never fill that blank space in a person’s heart!

Comments on: Relax, take a breath

By: acrazyredhead

By: Respectfully Anonymous