do you really want to know?

Would the world be a better place if we were absolutely honest 100% of the time?  I am not sure.

Anyone who knows me well knows the one thing I hate more than anything in the world is DISHONESTY (“people who are so blinded by their own personal opinion that they can’t ever see another view” runs a close second). 

That said, I have to admit I am not completely honest all of the time.  I guess it is because I do have a filter.  What I mean is, I have the intelligence and maturity to know I don’t always need to tell everyone what I honestly think at all times – though sometimes my filter has a power-outage and I say much more than I should. Luckily though, for myself (and my husband), the majority of the time, my filter is working properly.

Here is the big HOWEVER.  Sometimes, I wish someone would be willing to state the truth and get it out there.  In these cases, no one is brave enough to be honest because no one wants to be the bad guy.

Sometimes it is as simple as telling a friend that he smells or has bad breath.  You know it would be helpful if you told him.  Yet, you are too embarrassed to let him know.   Your embarrassment in telling him would be so much less than the embarrassment for him to be walking around smelling like a sewer.  (excuse me while I insert my own public service announcement: regular flossing can curb the bad breath problem).

The most obvious and life-altering “not saying the truth” event in my life was the time when someone (if you read my earlier blogs, you know who I am talking about)  close to me was having an extra-marital affair.  The innocent spouse was not the only one who suffered from these events yet, no one cared enough to get involved.  Everyone looked the other way.  Not one person wanted to get his hands dirty.  Even though the affair was obvious to everyone, no one felt it was his place to interfere.  Not even his closest friends would say “What the hell are you doing?”  Who knows if it would or would not have made a difference in the outcome but I still look back and I am amazed that not one person had the balls to speak up.

Currently, I am experiencing a non-life-altering but still annoying “not speaking the truth” situation.  Since it is summertime, my children are having many more play dates than typical.  While I love to have other children over and usually it is quite pleasant and painless, I am trying to find a way to minimize the “adult play date” segment of the date.  If you are the parent of a child old enough for a drop-off play date,  you know exactly what I am talking about.

Let me set the scene.

I have already had a long day with my own children as well as someone else’s child in my home (or at the pool, beach, movies, bowling alley, Magic Kingdom, etc…).  When the other parent arrives to pick up her child (which is typically at least 30 minutes past the designated pick-up time), there is the obligatory visit. 

I need to interject a point here for I fear, if I do not, my innocent children may not have another play date until we have a Jewish-African-American-Lesbian-Woman serving as our President.  I really do like most (not all -I can’t lie) parents of my children’s peers.  Remember we are talking about extended parental visits after I have had a long day entertaining at least 4 children (my 3 plus the visitor).

Okay, so it is late, I am trying to get dinner on the table but need to wait until the other child leaves (also note: I have most likely invited the child to stay for dinner but he cannot stay for whatever reason – allergies, dietary restrictions, he only eats one type of organic-all-natural-chicken nuggets that his mom has to special order from the Netherlands for him….).  At this point, it is way past our regular dinnertime.  The mom finally arrives to pick up her child.  Now remember, if I ran into this woman at a school event, she would talk to me for a maximum of two minutes until someone more interesting arrived.  However, now I am standing in my family room trying to be polite.  I am making never-ending small talk with her while also trying to explain to my 5 year old that he does not need 11 fudgesicles before dinner – even if they are very small.  I am flabbergasted because even with all the madness around me, the woman continues to speak.  She is continuing her monologue describing her upcoming 27-day trip around the world.  Just when I think she is done, she continues and now tells me about her husband’s new promotion, the vacation condo they have just purchased in Telluride and the four-hour spinning class she attends on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

All the while, “the truth” is bubbling inside me to the surface.  I am desperately trying to think of a way to politely tell her to “please, please, please, I beg you.  Please leave so I can feed my family dinner” – but I don’t.  Oh, and of course, since my child and her child see that we are still talking, they suddenly have newfound interest in playing together.  Let’s not forget that for the hour before the mom arrived, my child and the other child were bored out of their minds and could not agree whether they should play Super Smash Brothers Brawl on the Wii or Super Mario Galaxy on their DS – so they did nothing but complain they were bored.  Yet, now they have decided to put their bathing suits on and jump in the pool.  I am now thinking, “I need to do something or I am never going to get my kids fed in time to get them in bed, shower and get my new blog written before the new episode of Swingtown airs.” 
Finally, a miracle occurs, her husband calls her on her cell phone and asks when she is coming home for dinner.  She has to employ coercive tactics to get her son out of my pool but she finally makes her long overdue exit.

So, I pose the question again.  Why is this so hard?  I am an outspoken honest woman.  Yet, I have not yet found a way to stop this from happening.  And since I don’t want to be rude, I am not able to say, “I think it is time for you to leave.” 

Wow, that was a huge digression from our original topic of telling the truth.  Time to wrap this up.

Whether it is telling someone they need better hygiene products, a more honest spouse or a quicker exit from my house, I have a hard time telling people what I think about their behavior.

I find it much easier to tell you the truth about myself.  That said, I might as well list some things right now:

Here I go…….

• I love my husband but sometimes I want to strangle him just because he gets crumbs from his morning Cuban bread all over my kitchen.
• I love my kids yet sometimes want to lock myself in a room and watch re-runs of Law & Order instead of playing with the newest Hot Wheels monster jam toy.
• Now that I wear a thong to the gym, I am constantly worried I may have a hole in my yoga pants and the person behind me will discover I have the whitest tush in all of Central Florida.
• When I am on the elliptical at the gym,  I can’t help myself but stare at the gorgeous young blonde guy who – although an adult -  is probably young enough to be my son.
• I get a bit of pleasure in knowing that many of the girls who endlessly teased me for being a redhead, now spend an enormous amount of money trying to get their hair the same shade as my natural color.
• I love watching The View a little too much and truly believe I could hold my own if I had a seat at the table.
• I waste an enormous amount of personal effort trying to “win over” women who clearly don’t like me – even when I really don’t like them either.  (Note to self: goal to accomplish before you turn 40 – “stop being so concerned with what other people think of you”)
• While I am currently back down to a comfortable size 6, I spent about 3 years eating everything I wanted and gained a ridiculous amount of weight.  As the number on the scale was climbing up and up, I knew I could not blame it on my slow metabolism.  It was the cheeseburgers I had for lunch not the genes passed on from my parents.  ( If my mother is reading this, I bet she is thrilled there is something I don’t blame her for.)
• I like to think I finally have a healthy relationship with food – but does anyone?

Wow, this is fun, I think I will keep going…

• I love facebook because I can post current pictures and not-so-secretly  I hope the boys who didn’t give me the time of day in high school can see I did grow up to look better than I did at age 16!
• I love getting comments on the blog and find it exciting when friends, acquaintances or strangers tell me I entertained them.
• My cousin made me a facebook fan page but I only have 16 members and feel silly.  (If you want to make me feel better, you can use this link and join  http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Crazy-Redhead/21849151916
• I get a little too much guilty pleasure knowing that the same guys who wore “no fat chicks” t-shirts in high school are the ones who showed up to the 20-year reunion fat and bald.
• When I was in England the summer after college, a beautiful black woman tried to pick me up.  I should have been flattered but stupidly, I was so freaked out that she got the gay vibe from me.  I sometimes wonder if I missed out on a fun experience.
• When I was in third grade, another child told me that marijuana was illegal and I responded, “No, it’s not!  My parents smoke it.” Yes, that was the truth and you will just have to wait for future blogs to hear about that part of my childhood.
• I am currently feeling incredibly guilty because I just spent way too much time writing this blog instead of interacting with my children who are now watching a marathon of the show Wizards of Waverly Place.
• And the last one for today, I still hold out some small ounce of hope that one day I really will get my dinner date with Rob Lowe.  Honestly though, I know I won’t even enjoy myself because I will spend the whole evening worried I have something in my teeth or bad breath and no one told me. 

So, girls, now it is your turn

Do you feel the same as I do on any of the above topics?  Do you have your own opinions you want to share?  You can be anonymous if you want.

Leave a comment with a “truth” you want/need to share.