you don’t need to dig very deep

No matter how many times it happens, I am always surprised.

In many women, very often there is an insecurity just under the surface waiting to pop up.  It is there.  You may not see it but it is definitely there.  You may have never known it was there or maybe you did but you have forgotten.  It may not appear for months at a time or even years.  Yet, it is sitting there waiting.  It is barely buried under the superficial day-to-day interactions.

Are you following me yet?  I am talking about that “button”.  It is the hot spot issue for someone that is always present but often ignored.  For some people, it may be just a small insecurity they carry around.  For others, it could be a traumatic event, which has marked them for life.

Let me give you a simple example by sharing an incident, which just recently occurred.  I had a disagreement with my friend “Jackie”.  When I began writing this blog, Jackie felt it was her responsibility to tell me what I should write about and what would appeal to readers.  She did not understand I am writing this for fun and as a way to vent (as I am doing now).  She sent me four separate emails telling me what subjects she felt should be featured in my blog (and if you are wondering, no, she is not a writer herself).  Unfortunately, the last email she sent was delivered to my blackberry while I was in the middle of the usual dinnertime chaos with my family and I was so TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY, NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE BOSSED AROUND!  So, let’s just say, I sent her a very nice but direct email telling her that while I valued our friendship, I was very confused as to why she felt it was her place to judge my writing or my life for that matter.  I think I ended the email with this statement,

“At some point in the future, I may decide to write a novel and when I do, I would expect this direction from an editor.  However, you are not my editor, you are my friend and I just wanted to share something fun with you.”

Well, my email did not go over to well with her.  That was not the surprise.  The surprise was the direction she took the disagreement.    She wrote back that she was shocked and hurt by my email but that most importantly (and this is a direct quote), she stated, “I’m not a score keeper or someone looking at what you wear or put in your house.”

Let me just reiterate that nowhere in my previous email to her – or in any of our previous conversations EVER – did I mention our homes, clothing or any material possessions for that matter.  However, this is where she took the issue.  It became about money.    She took a conversation about judging my writing or behavior and made it into comparing what she and I have.  Even more shocking is that I always thought Jackie was one of the most down to earth people I have ever known.  We never discussed finances or the sizes or contents of our homes.

With Jackie, her insecurities about money were just under the surface.  The minute there was a disagreement about anything – even something completely unrelated– it led back to money.

With other friends, it may be insecurities about how their husbands treat them or the behavior of their children.   Whatever it is, these issues sit there lurking.  They are just waiting to surface with the slightest nudging.

I know I have a button too.  For me, it is definitely my food issues.  My husband learned this the hard way many years ago.  During our initial visits to the Cheesecake Factory restaurant when the meals were brought to the table, my husband would always make a big deal about how “huge” the portions are.  Yes, I know they are huge but I don’t need him to tell me that.  So, of course, once someone mentions how big the portion is, I start mentally calculating how much I can actually eat without looking like a pig.  Is he saying I shouldn’t be eating all this?  Do you think the waiter is thinking the same thing too?  Is the skinny bitch in the next booth judging me too?  …  Okay, okay, I never claimed I am a girl without issues!

 

Thanks for reading today’s blog.  I have missed writing and of course the feedback from everyone.  However, I definitely am looking forward to having all three of my kids back in school next week and actually being able to think!  Once I have a bit of quiet time to myself, I love being able to put the thoughts together into a blog.  I wish all of you a wonderful weekend with lots of sunshine and no storms.