I ran into an ex recently.
When I first saw this person, I had a moment of panic. I was nervous but it happened so quickly. It wasn’t that bad. I had not seen this person since we “broke-up” about a year ago.
Wait, I need to explain.
This was not a romantic ex. It was an ex-friend. She and I never had a definite break-up moment nor did we have a bitter falling out. I can only assume, we both finally realized the relationship was never going to go anywhere and we went our separate ways.
This is a common situation for women. While not earth shattering, I find this to be is a real issue for women.
You meet a woman. She is smart, funny and has kids the same age as yours. You can really relate to what she has to say. You travel in the same after-school activity circles, shop at the same Target and have similar opinions on organic produce, disciplining children, Kelly Ripa and Tory Burch.
You are excited to make a connection. You obviously have quite a bit in common. And, if you are like me, you may rush into a relationship too quickly. You have a couple of coffee dates. Maybe even a few play dates with the kids or husbands.
Then, halt!
For whatever reason, you suddenly realize this relationship is not going anywhere.
Then what?
You have just rushed into this new relationship so quickly. Your lives interlap on so many levels. How do you dial back the friendship? You don’t! You can’t dial it back with women. The best you can do is try to “break up”.
How do you handle this break up?
How do you act when you run into each other at the baseball field, school open house, Starbucks or your mutual friend’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah?
Believe me, I know this is a minor problem compared to the real issues we face in our lives. This is peanuts compared to the fear of our children getting sick, losing a loved one or even the current state of the nation. However, our relationships with other women are what help us get through all the other craziness in our lives. Therefore, how we handle our female interactions does affect our lives as a whole.
The breakup dilemma is something my close friends and I have discussed at length in the past.
How do you break up with a girlfriend?
I have had some pretty bad break-ups in the past. Some were big huge dramatic fights. (Fortunately, most of those took place before I was old enough to legally purchase alcohol.) Looking back, I realize those were actually the easy ones.
The hardest breakups are the ones in which you still like the person. You are just not in-like with the person.
You realize you both deserve better. You realize your free time is so limited you would rather be home on your comfy couch watching a re-run of Law & Order than meet her at Starbucks and make more small talk.
Life is short. Women realize how important it is to prioritize our free time. In many cases, that means re-evaluating the enjoyment we get from spending time with certain people in our lives.
Unfortunately, that sometimes means you need to let a few people go. It is too bad life is not as easy as Facebook. With Facebook friends, you can click “remove from friends” and instantly, you are done. What makes Facebook “unfriending” even better is this:
When you unfriend someone on facebook, the other person may not even realize they have been “virtually dumped”.
Most people have hundreds of Facebook friends. So, unless this person makes a point of watching for your updates, she may not even realize you are gone from her list. Therefore, you can clean house without hurting anyone’s feelings.
If only real friendships were that easy. It would be so nice to be able to just say,
“I wish you the best but let’s go our separate ways.”
There are a few instances in which women I know tried that approach. The break up did not go so well. There were very hurt feelings and lots of bad-mouthing.
I still haven’t figured out a nice easy way to break up with a girlfriend. Luckily, I haven’t felt the need to either.
As for the woman I recently ran into. I actually think I got a little lucky with that one. She is a really great girl. I don’t have anything negative to say about her. I just wasn’t that into her and I don’t think she was that into me either. Yet, I harbored so much guilt for not continuing to pursue the friendship until one day it finally occurred to me. The phone works both ways. I was so worried about not making an effort; it never occurred to me that she might be feeling the same way about me. Maybe that is the easiest option out there. We both silently went our separate ways.
I have never felt so relieved to feel rejected.
